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101 Ways To Annoy People November 2, 2008

Posted by texasheartland in family, Friends, funny, hilarious, humor, languages, learning, life, random.
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1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly. (Alrighty then!)

2. In the memo field of all your checks, write “for sensual massage.” (Another version of this one was funnier.)

3. Specify that your drive-through order is “to go.” (Yea, I would like a cheeseburger to go.)

4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of “Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip…” (Beep.)

5. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others. (What if I have eyeglasses?)

6. Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen. (Haha that would be amuse me… for 5 minutes.)

7. Speak only in a “robot” voice. (How annoying that would get!)

8. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly. (Been there done that!)

9. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will “swipe your grub”. (Or stick your finger in your food and say “my germs!”)

10. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 98 copies. (Oh shit! LOL)

11. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets. (Why, just to see them squirt?)

12. Sniffle incessantly. (Already do.)

13. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles. (Hahahahahaha!!)

14. Name your dog “Dog.”(“What’s your dog’s name”? Dog. “Why?” Why is your name your name?)

15. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions “to keep them tuned up.” (That would get annoying as hell!)

16. Reply to everything someone says with “that’s what YOU think.” (Expect a backhand while you’re at it.)

17. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your “astronaut training.” (Beam me up, Scottie!)

18. Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for “violating your airspace”. (Haha, the judge would throw that case out at first glance.)

19. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a “real hoot.” (Been there done that too.)

20. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with Lysol. (Bring plenty of Lysol.)

21. Practice making fax and modem noises. (Why would I want to?)

22. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and “cc:” them to your boss. (Sounds like fun to me!)

23. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up. (That’s just fucked up and wrong.)

24. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance. (Uhh.. what?)

25. Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a “spider person.” (I might have to do that!)

26. Finish all your sentences with the words “in accordance with the prophesy.” (Nostradamus said so!)

27. Wear a special hip holster for your remote control. (Atleast I wouldn’t lose it.)

28. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you’ll be saying more any moment. (And leave them guessing.)

29. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears. (Are we 5?)

30. Disassemble your pen and “accidentally” flip the ink cartridge across the room. (Go get it, dog.)

31. Give a play-by-play account of a persons every action in a nasal Howard Cosell voice. (He’s going to the bathroom and closing the door.)

32. Holler random numbers while someone is counting. (Ugh… “E” used to do that!)

33. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you “like it that way.” (They’re aliens!)

34. Drum on every available surface. (Would ya like a Metallica solo or Slayer?)

35. Staple papers in the middle of the page. (But what fun would that be?)

36. Ask 1-800 operators for dates. (Who answers 1-800 numbers anymore anyways?)

37. Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copyright warnings. (Would you want to pay for the video?)

38. Sew anti-theft detector strips into peoples backpacks. (And get into major trouble for it.)

39. Hide dairy products in inaccessible places. (Where the hell would you hide them?)

40. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page. (Oooo, I’d be pissed!)

41. Set alarms for random times. (4, 6, and 8.)

42. Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon. (They would look at you like you were crazy.)

43. Instead of Gallo, serve Night Train next Thanksgiving. (Serve what?)

44. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a “croaking” noise. (Oh hell.)

45. Honk and wave to strangers. (I’ll pass.)

46. Dress only in clothes colored Hunters Orange.  (And be mistaken for a traffic cone.)

47. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show. (Better not!)

48. Tape pieces of “Sweating to the Oldies” over climactic parts of rental movies. (Shit… *dies laughing*)

49. Wear your pants backwards. (Can you say atomic wedgie?)

50. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register. (Wouldn’t they kinda get pissed?)

51. Begin all your sentences with “ooh la la!” (That would even annoy me.)

52. ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE. (But that doesn’t.)

53. only type in lowercase. (I do if I’m feelin lazy.)

54. dont use any punctuation either (No problem with that either.)

55. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets. (Yikes! That’s borderline illegal.)

56. Pay for your dinner with pennies. (Hope you have enough.)

57. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes. (Are you an elf?)

58. Repeat everything someone says, as a question. (Repeat everything someone says as a question?)

59. Write “X – BURIED TREASURE” in random spots on all of someone’s roadmaps. (Mommy, instead of Disneyworld, can we go find the buried treasure?)

60. Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination/UFO/ O.J Simpson conspiracy theories. (I prefer UFO.)

61. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: “Do you hear that?” “What?” “Never mind, its gone now.” (Done that!!)

62. Light road flares on a birthday cake. (Love it!)

63. Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley. (Do you have any parsley I can have? What? No sir, I was asking this young lady for parsley. Why are you kicking me out?!)

64. Leave tips in Bolivian currency. (What if you don’t have any?)

65. Demand that everyone address you as “Conquistador.” (If you ain’t one, don’t demand it.)

66. At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks. (Okay, thats 6 dryers for 3 pairs of socks. Ma’am, can I use your dryer for my sock?)

67. When Christmas caroling, sing “Jingle Bells, Batman smells” until physically restrained. (And I will still sing it.)

68. Wear a cape that says “Magnificent One.” (And you will agree.)

69. As much as possible, skip rather than walk. (And run into shit.)

70. Stand over someone’s shoulder, mumbling, as they read. (I even hate it when they do that to me.)

71. Pretend your computer’s mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it. (And have my family look at me like I’m insane.)

72. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce “no, wait, I messed it up,” and repeat. (How about on the desk?)

73. Drive half a block. (That’s a waste of gas!)

74. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination. (Like you?)

75. Ask people what gender they are. (Are you wanting to get hit?)

76. Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back. (Ewwww!)

77. Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern drawl. (How the hell do Norwegians sound?)

78. Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don’t want to fall off “in case the big one comes”. (O…..k.)

79. Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers brains, such as “Feliz Navidad”, the Archies “Sugar” or the Mr. Rogers theme song. (Still do that!)

80. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head. like a parakeet. (Why?)

81. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day. (And someone might miss their doctor’s appointment.)

82. Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September. (How pretty and it’s 105* outside!)

83. Change your name to “AaJohn Aaaaasmith” for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it’s a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each “a.”  (Ah hell.)

84. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down. (Put don’t point it at a cop.)

85. Chew on pens that you’ve borrowed. (I have accidently done that before.)

86. Wear a LOT of cologne. (Ugh no.)

87. Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your “superior mental processing.” (Who has a record player?)

88. Sing along at the opera. (DO NOT attempt if you can’t sing.)

89. Mow your lawn with scissors. (Only way you can if you don’t have a mower.)

90. At a golf tournament, chant “swing-batabatabata-suhWING-batter!” (You might be smacked in the head with a ball.)

91. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your “imaginary friend.” (They’ll look at you like you’ve lost it.)

92. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn’t rhyme. (They might explain it to you.)

93. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something
about “psychological profiles.” (I wanna do!)

94. Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a “magic picture.” (Hahaha!)

95. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times. (As long as I enjoy the song!)

96. Never make eye contact. (They’ll think you’re lying.)

97. Never break eye contact. (They’ll think you’re being honest.)

98. Construct elaborate “crop circles” in your front lawn. (I wanna try!)

99. Construct your own pretend “tricorder,” and “scan” people with it, announcing the results. (Tricorder? Huh?)

100. Make appointments for the 31st of September. (What? There isn’t 31 days in September.)

101. Invite lots of people to other people’s parties. (Hehehe.)



1. croneandbearit - November 3, 2008

Hey – what about putting all your friends on the mailing list for Craftmatic beds? come see me for a surprise… Hugs, Linda

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