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I think I’m Ready August 29, 2009

Posted by texasheartland in dating, Feelings, learning, life, love, random, relationships, thoughts.
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You know what is so weird? That after everything my family has been through this year, I think I am ready to fall in love once again. I have matured ever since my last relationship considerably and have set my priorities straight.

My last relationship started off great- had a lot in common, enjoyed each others company, and just fell head over hills in love. I thought he was the one but as our relationship went on, I started to realize that maybe he wasn’t the one. I should have known that when we broke up, I didn’t cry much. I maybe cried one day and one night, but it wasn’t like many relationships before where I was an emotional wreck.

So why would I want a relationship after everything my family has been through? I’m much stronger than I’ve ever been, and can hold my own side of the relationship instead of doing what they want to do. Sure there will be times when I wouldn’t mind going bowling (as long as no one is behind me) or the movies. But if I just wanna hang around the house with the family, he can come, but he has to realize that most of it will be spent WITH the family and not in another room. Plus the living room has a bigger TV. With football season in season (well atleast pre-season), that’s the spot to watch the games!

I know my time will come when I find a boyfriend but as most of you have probably come to realize, I’m not a very patient person. But I don’t want to rush love- bad idea. Been there, done that, and got the t-shirt. Maybe if I stop looking or expecting something to happen, I’ll let it happen naturally. Kinda like waiting for Fall- you wait, they will come. Or something like that.

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Excited and Nervous… June 13, 2009

Posted by texasheartland in dating, Feelings, Guys, life, love, random, relationships, thoughts.
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Next weekend, “Cyber Guy” will be here. Well, after he goes to his mother’s house and eat the big meal she plans to cook for him. Him and I both know that his mother missing him, though they talk everyday. She keeps asking if the transfer is permanent. Hell, my mom would be the same way!

But I am extremely excited and a little nervous. I haven’t seen him since November, though we talk almost every other day. Even though we’re not a couple, he’s just one of those guys that makes your heart go pitter patter. When we first met, he was nervous. He didn’t tell me until I asked him last week and he said he was really nervous.

I already know what I’m going to wear when we go out but I’m now at that stage of how to wear my hair. It’s gonig be hot so naturally, I would put it in a ponytail. But when I go out on dates, I like to wear it down because it’s a habit I picked up. I am never usually this nervous when I see a guy, even when dating him, because I got used to the fact that hey, he picked me. But for some reason, he gives me butterflies. I’m not used to this feeling.

Maybe one day we’ll sit down (or chat about it) and sort out our feelings. I can’t pretend that I don’t like him because he knows me extremely well and can tell when I’m holding something back. True, he doesn’t know that I’d like to be with him but he’s probably surpressing the same thing. We’re probably both afraid to say how we truly feel when in reality, we both could be wanting the same thing but afraid to say it. Don’t think that I don’t know him well either because I do. I know when he’s tired, sick, or just in a rough mood. Just like he knows me. I know that we will eventually end up together- it’s just a matter of waiting. Waiting it out to see what could transpire. I know that his job has a lot to do with it and if he still lived in Texas, it wouldn’t have taken so long. But I understand about his job and everything. We do what we need to do to get by.

Going For It… May 29, 2009

Posted by texasheartland in dating, Feelings, Guys, life, love, random, relationships, thoughts.
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A couple of months ago, I declared that I wasn’t going to pursue “Cyber Guy”- I lied.

Yes, he is living in Louisiana, which is quite far from where I am. Right now, those are only miles. We are still extremely close. For a while, I thought my feelings weren’t as strong as they were before but they were masked with something else: time. We hadn’t talked for a while and I thought that because we weren’t talking as much, my feelings would dissipate into nothingness. I was wrong. I was more wrong that I had ever been. He started following me on Twitter and over Twitter, he sent me a message asking to get on Yahoo! Messenger, which signaled to me he wanted to talk. My heart started racing once again, as it does when I talk to him. We started talking and he mentioned he was coming down in two weeks. I mentioned to him that I got butterflies when Manders had told me, since had accidentally sent a Direct Message to her instead of me. I said “Kiddie, I know” to which his reply was “No, it’s not kiddie. I had butterflies when we met. I was nervous as hell!”. He never told me he was nervous and he never showed it!

The “lovey dovey” sighing didn’t stop there. I had quite a lot of caffeine that day and it had fused into my blood system, making me really talkative. It was either that, or I was tired. Maybe both. But as he was getting ready for bed, I apologized for babbling so much. It’s only natural that I babble. As he was saying good night, he said “It’s okay. I love your babbling.”. That made my night and it made my heart go pitter patter.

I know eventually we will end up together. We still say “I love you” to each other and joke around. I think he wants to get his job together and life together before making any kind of commitment (if you can call it that) and I respect that. I just hope my arm is better by the time he comes down. I refuse to wear a sling on a date. Yuck!

How funny, he just signed into Yahoo! Messenger! Scary timing!

Mother’s Day is afoot! April 30, 2009

Posted by texasheartland in birthday, family, Feelings, holidays, life, love, Moms, Mother's Day, motherhood, random, shopping, thoughts.
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And I am lost. I have no idea what to get or do for my Mother. And her birthday isn’t that too far off either.

This year, I strapped for cash. So big expensive presents will have to wait. I could do what I did one year- a mixed CD of sentimental songs that would make any mother cry. But I really don’t feel like making Mom cry. Or maybe I could make her feel good by burning a CD for her of songs from the year she was born. That might make her feel old. NO ONE wants to do that.

I could possibly make a CD of her favorite artists. Seeing as though I am not sure of those, it would take some swift snooping on my part. When you grow up with a twin, secret and snooping skills are honed to near perfection. It’s not something we’re particularly proud of. It’s just makes Holidays a lot more fun considering we can drop hints without giving it away and making the gift look like a nondescript box of what the actual present is. Snooping and secrets at Christmas are fun.

Or maybe I could just ask her about her music tastes. And buy a card. And maybe some chocolate. Mothers like chocolate, right?

Colds and Movies April 27, 2009

Posted by texasheartland in dating, Feelings, health, Internet, learning, life, Movies, random, relationships, thoughts.
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It has been raining since this morning.

Well, actually it isn’t raining anymore but it had pretty much been raining all day. Why I didn’t think to put on pants instead of wearing shorts, I don’t know. But I have been pretty much in and out of the rain all day in a t-shirt and shorts. And I know you can’t get sick from just being wet, but I think I may have contracted a cold. Naturally, with the swine flu cases, my sister is freaking out that I may have swine flu. Even if I did, the only thing that would have to be done is keep me home-bound. But even with this cold, I probably won’t be getting out much because I don’t want to get other people catch the cold and send them into a frenzy thinking they have swine flu. I don’t want to cause a Central Texas panic just because I have a simple cold (or is it a sinus infection? Huh.). That would make my life a living hell. That would pretty much suck.

I have fallen in love. Not with some other guy (besides Cyber Guy but he already knows. LOL). But with a movie. A movie I have watched over and over agian until I pretty much know what they are going to say or what they are going to do. My new love is “You’ve Got Mail”. Now, I’m not one for Romantic Comedies because of the whole “romantic” part. But because I met Cyber Guy online, it makes a lot of sense. We don’t have meaningful conversations like Kathleen Kelley and Joe Fox do on “You’ve Got Mail” but I do relish the times we have together, for however long they may be. I already know what happens in the movie but my heart beats wildly at the fact that this happens everyday. People sign on, go into some chatroom, have interesting conversations, and eventually end up together. Or perhaps they use no specifics and don’t tell each other their names until they are absolutely sure they can handle everything that will be said. It’s a thought, right?

Maybe the next time I sign into a Yahoo! chatroom, I’ll met some guy and we can exchange e-mails without being at all specific and eventually end up as a couple. Or maybe I’ll just finish watching the movie and move onto the next one borrowed from the local library: Sweeney Todd.

I hate dreams… April 25, 2009

Posted by texasheartland in dating, Dreams, family, Feelings, Friends, life, love, random, relationships, thoughts.
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I had a dream last night that I wouldn’t constitute as disturbing but it got my attention.

I know why “C” was there- the whole MySpace and blog thing last night. I already knew that I would most likely dream about it because I was so excited. But there was one person that I didn’t expect to see in my dream.

“Cyber Guy” was there. I hadn’t talked to him in a while and I really hadn’t been thinking about him. I had been preoccupied with “C” coming down, finding a place to put the van, and reading the Twilight series. He hadn’t really crossed my mind in a long while.

But in the dream, “C” was visiting like I told you and we were having fun driving around town. All of a sudden, I see “Cyber Guy’s” white truck driving past us. We parked in some parking lot while he make a U-Turn and drove right into the parking lot. He stopped right beside our truck and got out. He went to my side of the car and opened the door. I got out and gave him a hug. He gave a kiss and even when the kiss ended, he held me. I introduced him to “C” and he greeted Manders. He didn’t act like he did last time- nervous. He didn’t act like we were even friends. He acted like we were more.

I woke up knowing why “C” was in my dream but I still have no clue why he was and why he acted the way he did. I had gotten it outta my mind that we would probably just ending remaining friends. I accepted that and moved on. It has bothered me all day because I am curious as to why he would come into a dream when I hadn’t dreamt of him in months!

I hate dreams like those. It’s kind of weird. Really weird.

Spoiling Smokie April 18, 2009

Posted by texasheartland in Animals, Cat Furniture, cats, family, Feelings, Furniture, random.
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MidwestMom, someone I have known for years, posted about being a good fur baby mommy to her adorable cat, Merlin. At the end of the post, she left a link about cat furniture and everything to make sure your cat has a palace in your home. Naturally, Smokie thinks she is queen of the house and will practically wake up Patches (whom is sleeping on top of the living room television) and actually make Patches move just so she can sleep ontop of the television. That cat baffles me.

So instead of sleeping at the foot of the bed to be kicked off or right near my head where I get a mouth full of fur, I decided to check out the link MidwestMom left. At CozyCatFurniture, they have some of the coolest stuff I know Patches, Princess, AND Smokie will love! They have everything from Cat Trees, Cat Condos, Cat Beds, and even Cat Houses! These already run ours- they don’t need their own! While they are on the expensive side, I know that one of those condos will come in handy. Maybe they won’t argue over the TV. Instead, they’ll argue over who gets what on the kitty condo. I’d get them a kitty bed but they prefer the box near the window in the bedroom, the TV, on top of the desk, or the bed. They have no problem finding a place to sleep. Just a place to play and fight over.

Maybe a Cat House will come in handy for time outs (yes, the kitties get time out. Have you ever tried to chase a cat that has escaped and one that can run like a cheetah?).

Holy moly! March 20, 2009

Posted by texasheartland in blog, Blogging, College, computer, Computers, dating, family, Feelings, fun, funny, Guys, health, humor, Internet, learning, life, math, Mathematics, random, sisters, thoughts, twins.
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I feel so loved. Wanna know why?

As I was adding some widgets and stuff to my blog, I noticed how many comments I had. True that it is not as many as others have but I feel so loved! I finally hit the 300 comment mark! A year ago, I didn’t even think I would have 300 comments, let alone over 35,000 views!  I wonder why people feel so pulled to Texas Banter.

I surely don’t have an interesting life. I’m just a 24-year-old trying to get into college while often having fights with my computer and twin sister (whos new nickname is “Twister”. “Twin” “Sister”… get it?) and boughts with my health. I can only imagine that there are more interesting blogs around the Information Highway than lil’ ol’ me. I don’t konw why people are so interested in me going on about fractions and studying for college. That, to me, has to be the most boring stuff I’ve ever posted.

Maybe they’re more interested and keep an eye peeled out just in case I talk about Cyber Guy again. Which, they will get their wish. I talked to him Wednesday evening and asked him if he had heard an answer since Sunday he called and told me he was supposed to hear a definite answer on Monday. He didn’t and while I felt bad for him, I felt a little relieved since he wasn’t going to be leaving me so soon. He had said that if he gotten a “yes”, he was going to be gone by the end of next week. But if he does get a “yes”, I will be happy for him and wish him the best. We will still get to see each other ocassionally so I guess not all is lost.

But what baffles me is why people are so interested in Texas Banter. Do I have something in my teeth?

UPDATE:

I spoke too soon. He got the transfer.

Nevermind… March 14, 2009

Posted by texasheartland in business, Candles, Feelings, Friends, Guys, Job, life, love, money, random, rant, relationships, thoughts.
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Remember how I said in a previous post that if everything worked out that I could possibly be selling candles? Nevermind that.

I got some information and the price of the start-up kit. Wasn’t bad. But it went on to say that I would automatically be enrolled in the “Candle of the Month” Club, in which I would be billed $40 per month (plus shipping and handling). The initial start-up package price I could handle. But my family can’t afford the $40 a month for a “Candle of the Month” deal.

Now I am at a loss on what to do. I can’t have a normal job due to medical issues. Back to the drawing board I do.

Oh yea, guess the chance of me and Cyber Guy getting together is not happening. Turns out that he may be moving to Louisiana for a business opportunity. He tried to reassure me that he would come back to Texas on his days off (I guess to see his parents). But somehow, I still felt a sinking feeling. I’m destined to be remain single for the rest of my life.

I still love candles though.

Whew! March 2, 2009

Posted by texasheartland in dating, Feelings, Guys, learning, life, love, random, relationships, thoughts.
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Lately, I’ve been talking to Cyber Guy. A lot.

Ever since my hospital fiasco, we hardly ever go a day without saying something. He’ll ask how I’m feeling or what I’m up to. Even though he’s asked it before, that’s the first thing he’ll ask. He used to say “Hey sexy” or “Hey beautiful” (yea, I know… gives me a fuzzy feeling inside when he does that). But he’ll just come right out and ask me.

I was talking to Mom a couple of days ago about Cyber Guy and I had told her that I made up my mind to not ask him out. The deal with that is that he has a really demanding job and I would never see him (except once a month or so, unless he planned on coming up every day he’s off. I don’t think so.) and he travels everywhere. The week after Valentine’s Day, he was in Arkansas for a week and 1/2. But Mom said something that was true. She told me not to ask him out and see what happens. If it was meant to be, then I will know. Which is very true!

We still talk on the phone sometimes (though I missed his call yesterday and didn’t get a chance to call back. I felt so guilty!). Oh, and he sent me a picture through e-mail today. How I had forgotten how good he looks! We were on Yahoo! Messenger so I put the drooling face and said “you make my heart skip a beat” and he replied with “Like it?”. How could I not say “Hell yea!”.

What’s funny is that we tell each other we love each other (no “love ya”, but “I love you!”) but we’re not together. Even if we are on the edge of being together but continue to remain that way, that’s fine. I have no problem with that and I know many others will say “Get rid of him!” but it’s the love we have for each other that keeps us close to another’s heart. I know we will eventually be together. It’ll just take some time.

Are you kidding?! February 10, 2009

Posted by texasheartland in funny, Guys, hilarious, humor, learning, life, love, random, thoughts.
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Everyone who has read past posts know that I have my eye on someone. Someone I call “cyber guy”. Someone I have known for almost 4 years and we have grown closer. Not to mention, he has gotten more playful. Well, he definitely showed a silly side today! Let me paint the scene for you:

Me and Manders were on our way to get our Dad from work. I looked at my phone to see what time it was when I realized I had a text message from “cyber guy”. I don’t like to read text messages and drive at the same time (not to mention it was busy), so I handed the phone over to my sister so she could read it aloud to me. He had sent a message saying “I need to talk to you ASAP. It’s about you. My battery is dead so call me at (number). I had to wait until we were at our Dad’s work to call him since I can’t remember phone numbers to save my life. We get to our destination and I put the car in park. Mom calls to remind us that we left something at the house that our dad needs. I let Manders talk to her before calling the number because I had so many thoughts running through my head. I asked her to punch the number on her phone so I could have a visual when I was dialing it on mine. It rang once- my heart skipped a beat.

“Thank you for calling the psychiatric hotline. If you’re compuslive obsessive, please press 1 repeatedly…”

It was a joke number! Are you kidding me?! Now that I look back at the text message, it’s oh-so obvious! “It’s about you.” makes a lot more sense now! Damnit, and I thought it was serious! So I replied back with “You are hilarious”… but I was being sarcastic. Either he didn’t catch it or knew it and didn’t want to say anything, he said “thanks”. I snapped my phone shut, and crossed my arms. I was trying to act upset by saying “I am not amused” but now that I think back, I can’t help but laugh! I was so gullible!

Not that he was getting anything, I said to Manders “That’s it. He’s not getting anything for Valetine’s Day”. Something’s gotta give with this boy. Manders said that I might have to break down and ask him out. Once ya think about it, he could be scared to ask me. I’ve never asked anyone out before… Guess that’s why they say is there always a first time for firsts… Or something like that.

Keeping you updated… January 31, 2009

Posted by texasheartland in cats, dogs, family, health, learning, life, love, Pets, thoughts.
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First off, I want to thank anyone and everyone who said a prayer for Zeus. The amount of love he is getting from strangers is staggering! I mean, he’s getting so much love from us, he’s probably getting sick of it! But those who care about my dog and my family’s well-being speaks volumes! Thank you, so much.

Now, onto the update. Zeus has come leaps and bounds from where he was the first night! He is trying to walk but can’t understand why he can’t use his right leg. So he’ll fall down or wobble side to side before we catch him and make him lay down (so he doesn’t fall and hurt himself again!). Since he can’t really walk, he’s been scooting all over the floor. He’ll be on his bed- which is by the computer. Then he’ll end up all the way on the other side of the room by the door, and he’ll lay there for a while. He’s started back to barking at air, which it was so great to hear him bark again. It was unusually quiet for the first couple of days. His digestive problems are back to normal. We were told that he might have a little food and pain agression, but that’s because he’s still in shock and- as I can imagine- in pain. Once he gets back to walking normally, that should go away in time. He still wants to chase the cats and I told him “Oh you’ll get a chance and then the cats won’t know what hit them!”. Hehe Speaking of cats, he likes cat food. He’d rather eat that than his doggy food. Oh, and pizza.

He’s passed out right now, so I’m gonna let him sleep before he gets any more medicine. I wouldn’t want to scare the crap out him and end up with a bite. Did that Wednesday night. Not fun. Not fun at all.

Inaugurations and Colds January 21, 2009

Posted by texasheartland in Barack Obama, dating, Ecnomony, love, Politics, President, random, thoughts.
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Now, I know it’s not as bad as some of my fellow bloggers but talking to my cyber guy (the one I threw the bowling ball at and we were supposed to have a date this weekend?) doesn’t make it any better. He asked how I was feeling and I said “I’m getting somewhat better… I just want it to be over! I’m currently trying to find the person that gave it to me so I could kick their butt!” and he replied with “A lady once told me she had it for 3 weeks.”. My jaw dropped and I typed back “Oh hell naw! I might have to kill them then!”. Ahh, such love from someone who works his butt off and someone who is sick off their butt.

Well, I did watch some of the Obama Inauguration on Tuesday. It was a lovely ceremony and I wish him well. And though I am not be politically correct all the time, I am just waiting to see what will happen. I’m not thrilled he’s our new president (though excuse me and I know I’m from Texas but most of the world agrees with me that anything is better than Bush) but I’m not appalled. With the way the economy is right now, I am just waiting to see what happens and if he can pull us out of here before we actually end up in a Depression.

We’ll see.

Cyber Friend & Me January 11, 2009

Posted by texasheartland in dating, Feelings, Friends, Guys, life, love, random, relationships, thoughts.
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This isn’t about the cyber guy who kicked my ass at pool. He’s the one I threw the bowling ball at. This is someone I have known since 2005, when my aunt died. Ever since that time, he’s been there for me through every heart break or everything little stressful thing life throws at me. We’ve become exceptionally close.

You’re probably wondering why I have kept “Cyber Friend” in the shadows instead bringing him into the spotlight. He had his 15 minutes of fame with the bowling ball. Other than that, I’m keeping him to myself. I call him a “cyber friend” because other than the occasional phone call or everyday text, we chat over Yahoo! Messenger.

I have no idea where I was headed with that, but oh well. The last time I saw “Cyber Friend” was oh about 2 months ago. We definitely had a connection and then last week I asked how he felt about me and he said “I care a lot about you and want to spend more time with you”, which just made my heart melt. We talk everyday and get to know each other a little more. He’s coming through town in 2 weeks and wants to take me out just so we can talk. I don’t know where we’re going but me and “cyber friend”… could it be love?

It’s over. December 15, 2008

Posted by texasheartland in dating, life, love, thoughts.
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I can’t believe it’s over. Me and “E” have parted ways. I knew it was coming because we hardly talked and hardly told each other that we loved each other He moved out about a month and 1/2 ago and after that I knew the relationship was going to end. I was trying to save a relationship that didn’t want to be saved.

I am okay. Not great, not wonderful, just okay. I plan on keeping a smile on my face because if I wallow in self-pity, I would miss out on a lot.

I know a lot of you thought we were going to be together for a long time. Hell, so did I. But alas, it wasn’t meant to be.

I’ve accepted that.